Empathy Circle Marathon
How Can We Go Deeper In The Empathy Circle
2026-09-19Â
Empathy Circle Marathon
How Can We Go Deeper In The Empathy Circle
2026-09-19Â
Zoom Meeting Summary
This meeting was a 7-hour empathy circle marathon focused on exploring how to go deeper in empathy circle practice, with Edwin, Susan, William, Beata, Ingrid, and Teri participating as facilitators and participants. The discussion centered around Susan's concerns about "parroting" in empathy circles, where listeners repeat speakers' exact words rather than reflecting the essence of their meaning, which she found superficial compared to her previous experiences with deeper listening practices. The group explored various perspectives on this issue, with participants sharing their backgrounds, experiences, and views on accessibility versus depth in empathy circles. Key insights included the idea that simplicity and parroting can serve as accessible entry points for new participants while providing a foundation for deeper connection over time, and the importance of respecting participants' comfort levels rather than forcing deeper engagement. The conversation also touched on the role of the listener in supporting speakers and the balance between accessibility and advanced listening practices.
Edwin briefly greeted Susan and William during what appeared to be a quick administrative meeting, noting that Susan was muted.
The meeting focused on exploring how to go deeper in empathy circle practices, with participants sharing their experiences and concerns. Susan expressed concern about what she observed as parroting in empathy circle examples on the website, where listeners were repeating speakers' exact words rather than reflecting the essence of their meaning. Ingrid shared her initial reaction to empathy circles as being too surface-level compared to her NVC practice background, but described a significant recent experience of feeling deeply accepted and seen in a group, suggesting that different circles may serve different needs. The group discussed their backgrounds and experiences with empathy circles, with plans to conduct exercises throughout the 7-hour session to explore ways to deepen the empathy circle experience.
The group discussed the practice of empathy circles, focusing on the concern about "parroting" versus deeper reflection. William shared his experience facilitating empathy circles with an international peace organization, including a story about a participant from England who initially rejected the parroting approach but later apologized and found it "revolutionary." The discussion explored how the simplicity of parroting can serve as an accessible foundation that allows participants to gradually develop deeper listening skills over time, with Beata noting that the process often leads to feelings of nourishment despite its simple structure. The group agreed that additional explanations and training materials are needed to help participants understand how to progress from basic reflection to deeper empathy practices.
The group discussed different approaches to empathy circle listening techniques, with Susan expressing concerns about the practice of having listeners speak as long as speakers, arguing it diverts attention from the speaker and could make speakers lose track of their thoughts. William and Ingrid defended the approach, emphasizing that inclusiveness and positive regard are crucial, while Beata noted that the process naturally leads to deeper connection over time. The discussion highlighted different perspectives on advanced listening techniques versus making the process accessible to all participants, with Susan advocating for a more minimalist approach focused on being present and caring rather than repeating every word.
The group discussed different approaches to empathy circle listening practices, with Susan expressing frustration about being expected to repeat words verbatim when her natural listening style involves embodying and reflecting the essence of what someone says. Teri shared her experience of taking detailed notes during conversations to help with learning and memory, while Ingrid described her practice of preparing physically and emotionally to create space for the other person. The discussion concluded with Edwin volunteering to take over timekeeping responsibilities from Teri and expressing a desire to better understand Susan's listening approach through observation rather than lecture.
The group discussed the nature and boundaries of empathy circles, with William sharing his experience of a negative reaction to being encouraged to share deeply vulnerable content during his first training. Susan expressed concerns about the current listening approach in empathy circle training, arguing that repeating words verbatim doesn't effectively demonstrate listening and empathy. Ingrid clarified that the empathy circle process is designed to meet multiple needs through structured speaking turns rather than providing deep cathartic therapy, emphasizing that speakers are responsible for indicating when they feel heard. The discussion highlighted different approaches to listening across various communities and the importance of context in determining appropriate listening techniques.
The group discussed the Empathy Cafe process and Teri shared her experience from a recent compassionate communication course where she practiced somatic exercises and journaling. William explained the standard Empathy Cafe process for new participants and shared his thoughts about potentially incorporating judgment into the circle, though he acknowledged the current structure works well. Susan expressed concerns about the current parroting approach in the empathy circles, arguing it focuses on words rather than the essence of messages and doesn't allow for proper somatic experiences. The conversation ended with Ingrid requesting a bathroom break, leading to a short break for the group.
The group discussed different aspects of empathy circle practices, focusing on reflection techniques and the concept of "going deeper" in conversations. William raised questions about boundary settings when exploring deeper emotions, while Ingrid suggested announcing intentions at the beginning of circles to ensure everyone's consent. Beata shared her preference for calm, brief reflections during personal sharing, emphasizing the importance of maintaining a spacious and equal sharing environment. The discussion also highlighted the unique value of empathy circles in creating equal opportunities for speaking and listening, with Edwin appreciating the physical movement activities for bringing more aliveness to the process.
The group discussed challenges and insights around empathy, listening, and reflection in empathy circles. Teri shared her experience of feeling a "heaviness" around empathy and expressed a desire to better communicate how she wants to be heard, while Beata suggested focusing on clarifying one's own needs for effective empathy practice. William and Beata explored the concept of "going deeper" in personal growth and the universal human desire to learn and grow. Susan, a professor of psychology, expressed concerns about the current training approach, perceiving it as emphasizing parroting rather than essential reflection, and suggested focusing more on paraphrasing key points to better support speakers. Ingrid acknowledged Susan's feedback and emphasized the importance of reflecting key messages to help speakers feel heard and supported.
Ingrid discussed her reaction to Susan's criticism about the empathy circle training, expressing that while she heard Susan's feedback, she felt hurt by what she perceived as a lack of recognition for the good work being done by the group. William reflected on his desire for honest reflection and acknowledged his fear of hearing difficult truths, while Teri shared feelings of gratitude for the empathy circle and expressed appreciation for Susan's contributions. The group explored ways to go deeper in their discussions and create more inclusive spaces where people can express unmet needs while still meeting others' needs.
Ingrid shared her personal experience with feeling excluded and discussed how a recent incident in Vienna highlighted her sensitivity to inclusivity issues. Susan explained her approach to deeper listening, emphasizing the importance of reflecting the essence of what speakers say briefly to create a safe space for them to continue sharing. The group agreed to extend speaking time to 10 minutes and took a brief lunch break before resuming with Beata's turn to share.
Susan demonstrated a listening skill called "Voice Mirror" that involves simultaneously saying and hearing what another person is saying, and she invited the group to practice this technique on Zoom. The participants attempted the exercise, with mixed results, and Edwin provided feedback comparing it to parroting and questioning its alignment with empathy circle principles. William then shifted the discussion to restorative circles, expressing interest in learning this skill set to help resolve conflicts with two people in his life, and shared insights about community building and safety in circles.
The group discussed an empathy circle exercise involving voice mirroring, where participants took turns speaking while others practiced mirroring their words internally. William introduced the concept, drawing from a men's circle practice called "housecleaning" that had a powerful impact during a retreat. The participants shared their experiences with the exercise, with some finding it challenging due to the cacophony of voices on Zoom but others finding it effective for deepening listening skills. The discussion highlighted the importance of inclusivity in the empathy circle, with participants noting how the group welcome late arrivals and participants with varying English proficiency levels.
The group discussed transitioning to a vagal toning session, with Ingrid stepping away to check on her granddaughter and Beata taking over timing responsibilities with Edwin's guidance. Teri led the session, explaining that vagal toning is a body-based practice based on Dr. Arielle Schwartz's modality, and guided participants through a series of practices including a poem by Ryokan, self-touch, and eye care techniques. The session focused on inviting participants to follow their own body's guidance and sensations while performing the practices, with Teri emphasizing that the approach was entirely optional and based on personal comfort.
Teri led a guided practice session focusing on facial massage techniques and vagus nerve stimulation, followed by a brief empathic listening exercise between Teri and Susan. During the empathic listening, Susan expressed disappointment about the current empathy circle training methods, particularly regarding the emphasis on word-for-word repetition rather than focusing on tone and body language. Susan's concerns appeared to stem from a personal connection with Bill, who had expressed upset about her comments during a previous summit, leading to her feeling concerned about damaging a long-standing friendship while also wanting to contribute her perspective on more effective listening practices.
The group conducted a 7-hour empathy circle marathon focused on vagal toning exercises and reflection practices. Susan expressed concerns about the current reflection technique, feeling it involved too much parroting rather than reflecting the essence of what speakers shared, though this approach was being taught in training sessions. The discussion revealed tension between wanting deeper, more authentic empathic listening and maintaining the structure of the existing empathy circle format. Several participants, including William and Teri, shared personal experiences and challenges, with William discussing his upcoming stereotactic radiosurgery and Teri expressing anxiety about not receiving feedback from all participants. The conversation ended with plans to address the reflection technique concerns and potentially start future sessions earlier to accommodate participants in different time zones.
Attendees: Edwin Rutsch (Organizer), Teri McGovern-Nintzel (External), Ingrid Hirtz (External), Beata (External), Susan Christy (External), William Kingsbury (External)